Sorry

 

“Je regrette,” “je suis désolé”, “My dearest regrets”, “I’m so sorry to hear that…” and “Unfortunately”. You may wonder what is with all the regret and being sorry; and why I have it expressed in French.  In answer to the first, the word sorry can sometimes be over-used. And for the second, why I expressed it in French was that I wanted to add some colour and drama to the opening. This is not to necessarily imply that I find the French language dramatic. I actually love the language and would like to revisit it one day and become fluent.

 

“I’m sorry”

Now back to “I’m sorry”. I recently reprimanded a friend on how she liked to sometimes over use the following expression, “I am so sorry to hear that”.  I think when hearing how something may not have gone well, there must have been a button in her brain which automatically replays that sentence, which is full of sorrow or regret. Why did I pull her up on this? It was because I felt that it was not useful to both her, and to the receiver. I am not trying to convey here, that it is bad to express condolences or disappoint. But how we can sometimes automate a response without really thinking why we are expressing it due to conditioning. Conditions or rules do not always need to be followed.  It is like what Oprah Winfrey said once when she was talking about the law of attraction, how it was one way. To clarify here, she was saying that there are many practices that can be applied. By using one practice, it did not necessarily mean that it was always the one that needed to be applied.

 

Is it sorrow?

When faced with an experience, which is somewhat emotional, it may be difficult to accept or understand why it is occurring.  But there is always something to be gained. I talked about this in the present. I believe that we should be careful where we focus our energy. As where your attention goes, the energy will flow. Back in 2009, my house burnt down and my car was written off within a short space of time. I was fine and survived both of these events. At the time one person made the comment: “I’m so sorry to hear about your flow of bad luck”. I remember thinking I was not looking for sorrow. I did not feel sorry for myself. I felt that I had a lot to look forward too. I had a good contract job, and I was studying for a teaching qualification. Maybe with these elements going on in my life, I believed that life was good and abundant.  By this person implying that I was unlucky, I could not connect with it.

 

Allowing the flow

You may question here, what about the instances were you cannot see the positives? This is a good question; and follows on from the previous section on how we focus. We live in a society where if we are experiencing pain, the preferred method is to mask it up. Take the painkiller. The painkiller may numb the toothache; but the tooth will still be infected. If we take the antibiotics or wait for our immune system to kick in then the body will repair and restore itself.  This process reminds me of ‘allowing the flow’.

[Tweet “”If we allow flow, then we are enabling natural order ” #SophiaWorld #BeHappy”]

 

Going back to when you are experiencing a situation that may feel painful, how do you respond? Do you try to numb it and pretend that it is not there? Or do you box up, whatever emotions that are there and leave it parked up – ready to burst out expectantly one day?  If answer to one of the following scenarios was yes, was it because you did not want to feel sorry for yourself. Was it that you were programmed to feel that you were not ‘allowed’ to focus on what appeared to be bad, but instead be instantly happy? This is one of my concerns about expressing ‘sorrow’, as from one angle it is saying: “I’m sorry for hearing that you are going through the flow of the experience”. And is it not natural – a flow, the menstrual flow for instance? Did that last part of the previous illustration make you uncomfortable? Maybe this is a good thing as it took you out of a comfort zone, and made you focus on what is. This same principle can be applied to life situations were you are not feeling too good. You may have heard the expression:

 

 “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”

 

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Going back to that year where my house burnt down, and next my car was written off in an accident, I did not feel sorry. I pushed forward and not only passed my teaching qualifications, but got top marks.

 

So next time when you feel that you are not being a dealt a good set of cards, question: Are you going to focus on sorry?

I got 99 problems – finding simplicity

For some of you whom are familiar with the artist and entrepreneur Jay-Z, AKA Mr Carter, you may have heard of his song title, “99 problems”.  In this he describes his experience of being pulled over by the police due to racial profiling and discrimination. I will not go further with the story here, but if you want to listen to the song, click on the YouTube click below:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwoM5fLITfk&feature=kp

 “You have more problems in your life, than a person with more responsibilities”

In my life so far, as I have moved with the flow of time, I have encountered different challenges from dealing with my everyday basic needs to the conflicts in relationships. As a result, I had times when I felt stressed or defeated. On one occasion, a friend who has two children made the statement, “You have more problems than people who had family responsibilities”. She was not saying that my issues were less important because there were other people, who had to weigh in their other responsibilities. She was asking me, why did I perceive myself to have complications. 

 

Tweetable:

[Tweet “@sophiaworld “Do you think that you have 99 problems? #ThatsTheQuestion””]

 “Life does not have to be complicated”

So this statement poised by my friend made me question whether I was making my life complicated. This was interesting one as when I used to work in the corporate arena, where there would be month-end deadlines to achieve, even if it meant working up to 12 in the morning; I would often say: “If something was taking too long or complicated; then there was an issue with the process”. So why was I not taking this over to my personal life?  I’ve forgotten about simplicity.

Tweetable:

[Tweet “@sophiaworld “Life was complicated, but then it became simple” #BeHappy”]

We often like to complicate things.  I find that young persons, not to generalize, are very wise. They see things as they are and they tend not to complicate things. I think as we get older and information is fed to us; and we become sensitive to social conditions, we often get suspicious of something being easy.  So we then have a tendency to make things complicated. Things do not have to be complicated, even Steve Jobs, one of my favourite innovators of all time said this:

 

“That’s been one of my mantras — focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

 

How do you make life semplicità [or simple]?

 

  1. Get clarity in what you want. This is not what you ‘should’ want, as this is implying that it is based on what others may want: husband, friend, colleague and the world at large. Did you understand the last point, how you need to want it from within.
  2. Do not worry about what others may think. The raw truth is that you come into this world on your own, and you leave on your own. So why not live your life instead of living someone else’s life?
  3. What is important to you? This is where you prioritise what matters to you. To make this easy take a look at your ‘wheel of life’.  This circle is divided into sections representing: Physical Environment; Business/Career; Finances; Health; Family & Friends; Romance; Personal Growth; and Fun & Recreation. Please take a look at the image below. Often you may think that you want something, but may realize that something else is more important. For example instead of chasing after the next promotion or launching a new business, you may want to have your first child. There is nothing wrong with this, as this is what your heart is calling out for 
  4. Be Happy – Do things that make you happy. First define what is that you want to be doing. Then start to look at the emotions, of what does happy feel like and taste like. Get your free copy of my Be Happy book here, if you have not got your copy already.
  5. Make a plan. This does not have to start off in written form.

 

Have some faith that it is going to be fine. Often we worry too much about things working out well, and it always works out for the best once you believe in what you are doing. Here’s is one of my favourite quotes from Louise Hay:

 

All is well.

Everything is working out for my highest good.

Out of this situation only good will come.

I am safe”

 

Question: how are you going back to simplicity?

Do you want to be in my gang?

From the beginning of human kind, once there was a collection of people there would be a tribe. The tribe will normally share certain characteristics, sometimes based on where they were from geographically. Then as time went on there were more definers, some which were man-made for example borders and countries. The world has evolved to include: organisation, professional body, team, FaceBook group; Google+ community and Meetup. Question: have you ever been part of a gang?

 

The playground

It was at school where I learnt about making friends, the feeling of wanting to fit into a social group. I made friends and saw some pupils become very close and form their own cliques or gangs. Gangs sometimes conjured up negative connotations. This is because sometimes in gangs, they may be up to no good. They may want to be different from others, and want to either exclude or isolate from the rest of the playground children. At the top structure of a gang hierarchy, there will be a leader, who usually makes up rules on who they are and what made them different. You may wonder why use the playground, but it does not really go away. You grow up, and may be working in an office where there is a playground of different characters just like on FaceBook too.

 

Invitation to a tribe

A few years ago, some time after entering the social media sphere with my brand SophiaWorld, I got an email from lady who was connected to someone in my network. She invited me to have a chat with her. A talk was scheduled in and one afternoon, I pulled over in my car and took her call. She then spent a majority of the conversation discussing her group. [I should have realised that she will be pitching to me] Then came the question: so how can I work with you?  I thought that it was a bit strange as it was our first encounter.  Then she went further to question herself aloud –whether or not I would be a good ‘fit’ for her exclusive group. She went on to describe the code to be a member of her group: how she wanted committed members. I also made reference to a person that I knew, who she had also heard about. She responded with how she likes them, but they were definitely not the right ‘fit’ for her group. As she was sharing this story I thought this very individual probably turned her down – and good on them. The conversation was ‘wound’ up with cordial greetings; and I thought this is not a tribe I want to join. Interestingly enough she referred to it as a tribe.  I did not get a call back; and I did not want to be part of her ‘exclusive’ gang.

 

“You have to belong to this religion to be a member”

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be part of a group, sharing an interest. I have my own book club that I created a couple of years ago, after discussing the idea with another friend. I enjoy it. Although I created it – there is democracy – in that each of us has our turn in choosing the book; and we have fun. There are other types of groups that go further, they may say that you have to be this ‘religion’ to be part of this book club. This to me seems very exclusive and unnecessary; as I question that my faith and spirituality, will determine whether I enjoy romantic books? I do not subscribe to this as this form of man-made separation.  This to me is not love and being part of a community.

 

Is the point of community to get together?

Community to me is coming together and sharing ideas, of course there may be some codes that need to be there to protect each other from harm; and to enforce fairness.

Here is a tweetable:

[Tweet “@sophiaworld: The sum of individuality makes a rocking community! #BeHappy”]

Talking about a community going too far. I decided to leave a writing community recently, as I thought that the leader did not appreciate individuality. She was coming up with rules of why I cannot be myself.  I decided to leave and expressed this to her. She later responded with: “Well I will be changing the rules”. So was this the leader losing focus on what a community was, and being on a power high?

 

Here is a tweetable:

 

[Tweet “@sophiaworld “Why not be your awesome self? #BeHappy””]

 

I shared this in my personal FaceBook page; and how I intended to write an article on this. I thought it was important to discuss groups, gangs and how this is an area which sometimes prevents people being true to their own inner heart, as they have the fear of not being accepted. If you think that people are not going to accept you for whom you are, then they do not deserve to be in your space.

 

Question: Why are you a part of a community? Is it to uplift your awesomeness?

 

Bonus question: do you want to be part of my BE YOU community @SophiaWorld?